My Feel Good Song

Morning Has Broken done by Cat Stevens is one of my favorite songs. It makes me happy. I like to listen to it in the morning when I'm getting ready for work. I'm not a morning person, so it makes them more tolerable.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TWd3skb-Rw

This is the same song done by Aaron Neville. I love them both.

Is you is or is you ain't?

Why is it so hard to let go of things that we know don't work? I ask myself that question a lot because I tend to get into a pattern or a routine that's "safe" when I know deep down that it's not good for me and it's not allowing me to reach my full potential. I think the answer is just that, it's safe. We are creatures of habit, we do what we know, whether it's in our best interest or not. Learning something new and adapting to it is scary and it's sometimes hard especially while we are still in the learning curve. Being in a learning curve is challenging because everything takes longer than what you normally do. Meal prep takes longer, training takes longer, even laundry takes longer because you have more clothes and towels. When your old routine is leaving work, coming home and plopping down in front of the computer suddenly changes to leaving work, going to the gym, prepping food, repacking a gym bag etc. it's normal to rebel, even though you know what you are doing is good for you. Why? Because it's different and while you're in your learning curve you feel out of control, like you're never going to get to enjoy the things that you once did, like spending 3 hours a night on Facebook. Sometimes I find myself throwing a tantrum worthy of a 3 year old because after working 8+ hours a day I just want to go home like "normal" people, but the kicker is..I don't want to look like" normal" people. I don't want to be 200+ lbs. I want to buy clothes that a like and not just settle for what fits and a host of other things that aren't achievable by going home, sucking back a pint of B and J's, hanging out with my online friends for 3 hours and then going to bed. Geez, I'm whining again aren't I? Oh well, that's ok, it's my blog and I'm allowed. I think a healthy dose of whining is good every now and then as long as it's accompanied by an even bigger dose of "doing"

Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays are my least favorite days in the gym. Why?? Because those are the days that I do HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training). Yesterday I did 30/60's 20/40's are actually my favorites and I'm building myself up for 60/120's but those are a long ways away I think. HIIT is not one of my favorite things, but I do have to admit, I feel awesome after everything's over and I crawl back to my car. I was reading an interesting article yesterday by Craig Ballentyne about HIIT and why he feels it's superior to longer steady-state cardio and it did make me feel more excited about doing them. I still do steady state, but I can say that I have seen the most fat loss and cardiovascular improvement from intervals. I do my intervals on the bike. I don't think my bum knee could handle the treadmill anyway, but I don't think I'd ever do them on the treadmill or stepmill even if I had great knees. HIIT on these two things just scream "if you even think of trying HIIT on me, I will make sure you hurt yourself, trip and fall or in some other way make you look like a complete and utter fool. Step away from me and get your butt back on that bike." :lol: Today is lifting and maybe 20-30 mins of steady state afterwards....a much better day. I kinda enjoy lifting once I get there and get in the groove. The hardest thing is definitely making myself go after work. The funny thing is, I.AM.STRONG. I remember the very first time I did lat pull downs I started at 75lbs, which not bragging are some people's PR's. The hardest exercise for me to gain strength is the bench. I started out benching just the bar and am still at only about 75lbs. I have this mental block and this fear of the bar falling on my throat. :lol: I'm very conservative with my Ass-to-Grass squats too every since I hurt my knee over a year ago. I swear if I ever feel that pain again, I will just shoot myself right there on the gym floor. I was doing jumping jacks and when I landing with my feet out, my knee just caved inward. I guess my poor knee just couldn't handle the massive tonage called my bodyweight that was being forced upon it. Poor baby. It was the worst pain and has taken forever to heal, which was my fault because I didn't see a doctor and tried to rehab it myself. Yeah, bad move I know, but I had my reasons at the time. I still baby it. Now deadlifts are a different story. I love me some deadlifts. I love my pink lifting straps too because my grip strength cannot accomodate the amount that I can lift. RDL's are my favorite. Oddly enough but I think due to my knee as well, I lift more on RDL's than I do CDL's. My goal this year is to break the 200lb mark. I cant wait to see what's underneath all of this fat muscle-wise once I start leaning out.

Wow!! Was that an amazing game yesterday or what?? I'm not a huge football fan but that was a great game. I went to my first SuperBowl party and hung out with some friends of mine. I took a little break from the dieting and enjoyed some of the food that was there; you know a nibble of this, a taste of that. I had Rotel dip which is one of my all-time favorites and this buffalo chicken dip that was sooo good. I could have eaten the entire bowl easily. I was actually suprised I liked it since I'm a wimp when it comes to spicy stuff. Mild is usually more of my speed. I'm making an effort to be more social these days. When you are heavy it's easy to isolate yourself or as I call it become "an army of one". It can be especially hard when many of your friends are competitors or very lean. Remember that song from Sesame Street, "One of these things doesn't belong here, one of these things just isn't the same"? Sometimes I feel like that lone apple in the group of bananas. Hahahaha!!! Anyway, I digress.

I think that I'm one of those people who does best when I have a goal or some kind of date to look forward to. My first short term goal is to be below 200 when I go see a friend of mine and go to the Jr. USA's in Charleston, SC in May. It's a totally doable goal as long as I stay focused and stick to my diet and training. Sometimes when you have so much to lose looking at the big picture is overwhelming, so little goals make you feel like you are still accomplishing something even though the Big One is still a long ways off. I try to attend at least one national level show a year, sometimes more if possible. Seeing these athletes at their physical best is so motivating. The energy is so positive at these shows. I really enjoy them..local ones as well. In 2008 I was fortunate enough to attend two national shows..Jr. USA's in Charleston and Nationals in Atlanta as well as one of the local smaller shows in the Atlanta area. I'm a people watcher so I really get alot of bang for my buck at these shows, not to mention I always walk away with a renewed motivation to do better with my own diet and training. Ahhh..if I could just go to a show every weekend I'd be set.

Ahh, nothing gets my blood flowing like a good bargain. I love workout clothes but I hate workout clothes prices. Maybe one of these days when I'm a lean mean muscle machine I won't mind paying $65 for a pair of workout pants, but in the meantime, this makes me happy and it's in my favorite color.....PINK!!!

Jockey workout pants.....$10 at Marshalls

Hot Pink matching top.....$3 at Walmart

Water, water everywhere and too much to drink.

Isn't it funny how we sometimes stuggle with the "little" things when it comes to diet and training? Right now for me, it the water that I'm struggling with...4 liters per day to be exact. Sometimes I'm just not that freaking thirsty and I really really have to push myself to drink even CLOSE to that amount. I keep telling myself how much better my skin and hair looks when I'm hydrated, not to mention how much more efficiently my body is working, but still my taste buds just ain't having it. For the past few days I've gotten in less than 2 liters and my body is letting me know just how uncool this is. I can remember back in the day when 2 liters was GOOD. Sadly, most of that 2 liters came in the form of full sugar Dr. Pepper. Ahhh..the good old days. All is not lost though, sugar free Hawaiian punch drink mix with a packet of Equal is the new love of my life these days. I love, love, love this stuff and for $1 a box at Wallyworld, you can't beat it. I don't drink my entire 4 liters in Hawaiian Punch but it does make the process more enjoyable most days. Oh well, back to the bottle...16oz down and a looooong way to go.

Intro

I thought it be really interesting to document the step-by-step emancipation of the lean, chiseled, 5 inch heel, blinged out suit wearing figure diva that is now trapped under 200+ lbs of flubber that is currently me. This will be a long process but in the end, it will be something that will be truly amazing to look back on and see exactly where it all started.

My name is Lyn and I am fat..so fat that I have the beginning stages of a F.U.P.A. If you don't know what one of those is, well, then Google is your friend, look it up. Anyway, like I was saying, I am fat. I am not thick, big-boned, heavy-set or any of those nice words people like to use to describe the obese. I prefer to keep it real and call 'em like I see 'em. I am simply fat. I did not get this way due to a thyroid issue, or any type of medical issue. I got this way because I ate too much and exercised too little. I am a lover of all that is fried, buttered, greasy, sweet and fat-laden. I have never met a combo meal that I didn't like. But you know what? I am a lover of me too and I know this is not the me I want to go through life being. I am vain. I want to look good and I want others to think I look good. I admit it. I will enjoy the jealous and bitchy looks that I will one day receive. I will enjoy the attention I get from men. I will not care that the attention will piss off wives and girlfriends. That will be their issue, not mine. ...just keeping it real. I'm not by any means saying that I will go out of my way to dress or act inappropriately, but I will enjoy the fruits of my labor. Another reality is that one does not lug around 200+ lbs of fat for multiple years without some wear and tear on the body. When all is said and done and before I hit the NPC stage (or any stage) in my red crushed velvet suit and my 5 inch heels, I will need plastic surgery. I will definitely need a breast lift and a tummy tuck. I am saving for those now. It's quite possible that I will need some work done on my inner thighs as well. I plan on documenting all of that here as part of my process. I am also a very strong believer of the power of the human mind so my thoughts, feelings, frustrations etc will be documented as well. I want to remember everything, good and bad. Nothing is insignificant if the diva is to be freed.

During this process I am very lucky to have the support, knowledge and guidance of some very special friends, some of who's identity will be kept a secret for now, but when revealed will only make the end result that much sweeter. I know that not every day will be a victory, but I am ready for the battle. I am keeping in mind some famous words from Winston Churchill, "It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to to what's required."